I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
