butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
