I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
