He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
