am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
