i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
