I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
