did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
