I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
