is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
4 words: hood of his car
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
