I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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