i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
