Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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