It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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