hotel room ftw
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pooping to opera.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
