dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
