I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
