It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
