woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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