I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize