I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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