yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the condom got lost in my hair
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
