why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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