The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
