Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
