Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
