I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Mom said you looked used
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
