his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
