I didn't shave. On purpose
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
