Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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