I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
