I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just found a bag of teeth...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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