She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
