So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize