if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
