The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
