My vagina just recognized that song.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
foreskin is a definite game changer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
