I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he fucked my hip out of place.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
