sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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