1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ladies don't puke and tell
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
