I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
