If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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