i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
