I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
