do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
