Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
