This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
