so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
