just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
