Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
