Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm really busy with my period
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
