She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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