she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
