it was like his penis was on wheels.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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