I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I could fuck to npr.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
