Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
