so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
