walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Randomize
