so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
