gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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