Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
