textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
