i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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