You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
