I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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