i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
