Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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