I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
