i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Come on in and take your pants off
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
