I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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