Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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