I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
