Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My vagina is officially offended.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
